What I know.

I went to bed feeling confused, frustrated and lost.

I woke up feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and mentally clear.

The past week and even maybe few months I had gotten so caught up in the daily grind that I forgot maintain my relationship with Heavenly Father.

I had a good conversation last night with a good friend of mine. The past week I have been going to him at random times for insight, and counsel. He reminded me over and over that I shouldn't worry about material things or worry about what others think. I should only worry about what God thinks about me. Now, that is something I've always known. But, for a while I felt like I had put a wall up with Heavenly Father and hadn't really spoken with him. I wasn't mad at him, I just kept putting it off until eventually it really didn't cross my mind. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Well, deep down I knew why I felt stressed and anxious and confused, but I felt as though I had forgotten how to communicate with our Father in Heaven. And I felt that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Last night, I decided that I was going to change my behavior, I decided to get back in the habit of being spiritually in tune with Him. And, I feel more peace than I have in a while.

It's easy to do, it's so easy to get caught up with life, that we forget to include the One who loves us more than we could every possibly imagine. Our Father in Heaven.

Some of you may ask; Why we are all on this earth? Where did we come from? Where are we going? What is the purpose of Life?

Well, we are all here on this earth so we could each gain a mortal body, go through mortal experiences, so we could prove our love to Heavenly Father, and if we are faithful, we have the opportunity to live with him again.

It's so simple and so beautiful.

As many of you know, I am "Mormon" I like to be known as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

When Christ was on the earth, the fullness of the Gospel was also on the earth. But, after Christ was crucified his apostles were Martyred and members of the church fell away . This made it so the fullness was no longer on the earth, for many years.

It wasn't until the year 1820, when a young boy by the name of Joseph Smtih, had questions about which church to join. He was reading in the Bible, James 1:5 "If any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upraideth not, and it shall be given him."

So, he decided to go and ask of God. And when he did that, God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ appeared to him. He described it, “I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. . . When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and

glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

"In his vision God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared. The Savior told Joseph not to join any of the churches. Although many good people at that time believed in Christ and tried to understand and teach His gospel, they didn’t have the fullness of truth or the authority to baptize and perform other saving ordinances. This vision marked the beginning of the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ to the earth, which God authorized to be established 10-years later by a wiser, heaven-tutored Joseph Smith, once again allowing everyone to receive the joy and blessings that come from living it." -- www.mormon.org


Now, there may be some of you out there who either don't believe in God, or feel abandoned by him, or feel angry at him. You may feel as though you are alone. But, you are not alone. He has a plan for each and everyone of you. We are given adversity so we can grow and also so we can fully submit ourselves to him.

I believe that to be true with all of my heart. I am so thankful for that knowledge.

Utah

I have had a wonderful time out here in Utah these past few weeks, it saddens me to think that in a few days I will be returning back to KC. Don't get me wrong, I love Missouri, but being out here has been a huge changing point for me. I feel as though I have received so much enlightenment, so much healing, so much joy.

I have family out here. I love them so much, my love for them has increased more these past few weeks. Ever since fighting cancer, my view has changed. I have developed a stronger love for the Savior, which has given me this deeper love for the people in my life, especially my family. I think of them and their lives out here and how amazing they are. I have learned so much from them over the years, even though we have only seen each other a handful of times throughout the course of our lives. But, there is this amazing bond that we have. Everytime we see each other, it's as if we have never been apart.

I have gotten to know each of my cousin's on a more personal level out here. Being able to do that has given me a greater, eternal love for them. They are all such amazing children of our Heavenly Father. Each of them facing their own trials, dealing with their own day to day lives. They all have given me so much strength.

Family is such a blessing, I have always known it, but now I truly feel it. They are always there for us no matter what. I know that no matter what happens in this life, my family will always be there for me. My family back home has shown me that, and my family out here as well.

I love them all so much, and am so proud of them.

This trip has been so amazing, I have been able to meet so many people and see so many incredible things. I have been able to see old friends and spend time with their amazing families as well. I have been all over the Salt Lake area down to the Orem/Provo area. Spent a day in Park City and spent another day at Sundance. Hiked in the Mountains, saw some breath taking and slightly intimidating water rapids and waterfalls. Kissed a tarantula, double dutched in the canyons, made friends with random strangers, visited as many temples as time would permit, met up with old friends, had mini dance parties at random places, explored the streets of Salt Lake City, had deep conversations, and so much more.

But, it's not over yet, I still have a few more things planned before my plane ride.

I am so grateful that we are able to be sealed to our families for eternity.

My Mantra

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.

Be honest and transparent anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People who really want help may attack you if you help them.

Help them anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.

Give the world your best anyway."

-- Mother Teresa


I love this. It's applicable in every aspect of my life. My goal, to memorize this, and use it as one of my daily Mantras.

What's YOUR mantra?

This Is It

Quote on my cousin's wall...

" You can't move forward if you feel like what you are leaving behind is better for you"



ps. I love this painting. Check out Anahata Katkin, she is a phenomenal artist.

My Happy Place

Sitting in the Denver airport, eating some soup, seeing the mountains in the distance, surrounded by hundreds of people, it may sound crazy to you, but this, this is heaven for me.

Despite a crazy start to this trip, with plane problems and flight delays, I'm almost to the place that I focused on while facing my fears. This place I'm getting ready to visit was my goal. I dreamed of it everytime I sat in the chemo chair. Everytime I wanted to quit, I knew that if I finished what I had unfortunately had to start, I would be strong and healthy again and be able to visit my "happy place".

Salt Lake City. The Wasatch Mountains. The Salt Lake City Temple.

Today was a wonderful Sunday.

Part of it was spent with 4 year olds. They say the funniest things. They have this view on life that is beautiful. Everything is special to them. Everything is amazing. They are also like sponges. They absorb everything, and know so much.


My friend Brittney did a wonderful job teaching them about Choosing the Right, and about the scriptures. It was so neat to see these sweet little children become so excited because they knew what the scriptures were. They knew who Jesus Christ is. It was just so sweet. They have this view of the world, that's rare. They see everything as something special. Their faces light up over everything.

It made me want to be like that. To see everything as something special. To see the world as if I were seeing it for the first time.

I believe that is something we can all do.


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Next Thought....


I was thinking just now, well, I think a lot, I think about the choices I make everyday. The choices I have made in the past. I think about where my life is going, and where it once was. I think about the people in my life, I think about so many things.

I have sometimes moments where I reflect and wonder, if I did the right thing, if I made the right decision, if I should have waited a bit longer before choosing to do something. I think about what could have happened, had I done something differently.

Back tracking a bit, I see where I am now, and I don't have any regrets. I am happy about where I am. I am happy with a lot of things. I see where I am today, based on the decisions I have made and things I have done based on what I felt I was meant to do, or what the Lord wanted me to do. (That was a run on sentence....)

But, every once in a while I reflect. And when I reflect, I think about everything I have done (well not everything, but I reflect back to recent things, decisions, choices, things from the past year/months) and think about how my life would be different had I made different choices. And in that thought, I see why I did what I did, or why that one thing happened, and I feel relief knowing that by trusting in the Lord and trusting myself, I have come a lot farther, had more refining/experience than I would have, had I not listened/gone with my instincts.


That's deep.


..........

New Thought.....

I am full of gratitude. I feel so grateful for so many things. I wouldn't be where I am today without Heavenly Father. He continually blesses my life, sometimes I don't always feel deserving of his blessings. I know he loves me, and I know he loves each and everyone of you. Life is a big mystery at times. It's like we are walking and we can only see 20 feet ahead of us, but God can see a lot farther than that. He knows everything, he knows the desires of our hearts, the pains we endure, the questions we have. He knows it all.

I hope you all know of your Individual Worth. You are amazing, you are priceless. I don't know why, but, I feel like someone reading this post needs to hear it. "The worth of EVERY soul is great in the sight of God." Don't forget that, don't forget that YOU are amazing, YOU are beautiful. The Lord has a plan for YOU. He loves you and knows you.

Whitney is my Inspiration!

Last night my Aunt and Cousin came into town from Utah. It has been a real treat being able to catch up and have some fun.

Brynn (my cousin) and I have been doing crafts..

(Isn't she darling?)

I wasn't originally planning on doing anything crafty, until I was reading my dear friend/sister's blog (Whitney!). She does fun crafts while the baby is sleeping, I have always loved all the things she comes up with. The most recent project of hers really stood out to me.

A Temple Box....

(Here is the one she made.. I love it!)






She's so crafty :)

I decided that I wanted to make one too. We went to the craft store, and I found this little box that can hold pens and such.

I was searching for a some pics of the temple I liked, and I came across this picture.


I love this. :)


Listen Up Boys... :)



Pictures will be up later of Brynn and I's projects.