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I can't believe it's almost September. Time has flown by so fast. So fast.

It's been 10 months since I found out I had cancer. 9 months since I first entered the doors of the Cancer Center in Tulsa. 8 months since my hair started falling out/since I shaved my head. 6 months since my last round of chemo. 5 months since I found out I was in remission. 3 months since I stopped wearing wigs. 2 months since I since I went to Utah.


I'm not going to lie. I still think about it every single day.
It probably doesn't help that I still have my port in my chest. I don't notice it as much as I did in the beginning, but I can still feel it at random times. It's not the most comfortable thing. But, I feel like I will miss it when it's gone. That may sound weird, but it a strange way, it's been a part of me all this time. So it will be weird not to feel it anymore. Don't get me wrong.. it WILL be nice when they take it out though.

I can still feel the chemo run through my veins.

I can still feel the prick of each needle from the IV's to the acupuncture.

I can still remember the emotions I felt while I was sitting in the Infusion Center, surrounded by sickness and death.

I can still hear the drip of the IV.

I can still smell the Cancer Center.

I can see the look in the doctor's eyes when they told me the news, and when they told me 2 weeks ago I might still have it.

I have dreams that the cancer is back, or that I have another form, one that is worse.

I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night, wide awake, like I did when I was sick.

But.. even though this happens. I am now able to see a future for myself. I wasn't able to see it in the midst of the chaos.

I am able to plan for my future and make goals again. Sometimes, I still fear that my goals and dreams won't go according to plan because of my health. But, then I just have to remember to look forward with faith.

It's hard sometimes, I am not going to lie. But, it's what helps me.