I can't believe it's almost September. Time has flown by so fast. So fast.

It's been 10 months since I found out I had cancer. 9 months since I first entered the doors of the Cancer Center in Tulsa. 8 months since my hair started falling out/since I shaved my head. 6 months since my last round of chemo. 5 months since I found out I was in remission. 3 months since I stopped wearing wigs. 2 months since I since I went to Utah.


I'm not going to lie. I still think about it every single day.
It probably doesn't help that I still have my port in my chest. I don't notice it as much as I did in the beginning, but I can still feel it at random times. It's not the most comfortable thing. But, I feel like I will miss it when it's gone. That may sound weird, but it a strange way, it's been a part of me all this time. So it will be weird not to feel it anymore. Don't get me wrong.. it WILL be nice when they take it out though.

I can still feel the chemo run through my veins.

I can still feel the prick of each needle from the IV's to the acupuncture.

I can still remember the emotions I felt while I was sitting in the Infusion Center, surrounded by sickness and death.

I can still hear the drip of the IV.

I can still smell the Cancer Center.

I can see the look in the doctor's eyes when they told me the news, and when they told me 2 weeks ago I might still have it.

I have dreams that the cancer is back, or that I have another form, one that is worse.

I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night, wide awake, like I did when I was sick.

But.. even though this happens. I am now able to see a future for myself. I wasn't able to see it in the midst of the chaos.

I am able to plan for my future and make goals again. Sometimes, I still fear that my goals and dreams won't go according to plan because of my health. But, then I just have to remember to look forward with faith.

It's hard sometimes, I am not going to lie. But, it's what helps me.

I can Breathe!

I feel like I can breathe again!

I had a cancer scare last week, my doctors found a spot and were talking about chemotherapy (again), radiation (again), and invasive surgeries (again)

I was pretty disheartened when I heard the news.

It was a year ago ALL over again. I had to play the Waiting Game.. A game I am not a fan of.

I found out a few days ago, that it didn't look like cancer.. Thankfully.

I was relieved, the joyful feeling didn't hit me until a few days later.

I can breathe again!

The week before my PET scan and the week of my PET scan, I was a nervous wreck. I was in my own world, everyone could tell I wasn't 100% there. I was constantly thinking about going to Tulsa again. Thinking about the IVs, the patients, how I was and still technically am a patient to my doctors down there.

I told myself that if my scan came back clear I was going back out to Salt Lake to visit.

So... in a week and a half I leave for a few days... I am so excited to be back out in the Mountains, and to see my friends and family. I have missed them all terribly.

Last night I FINALLY worked on a new vision board. I was looking at the one I made during cancer and I realized I had accomplished everything on it. Now I am making a long term one and a short term one.

Long term - what I want to achieve and have in the next 10 years.

Short term - what I want to achieve and have in the next year.

I am looking forward to the months ahead, to the things I am going to do and accomplish.

The ABC's of Optimism

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself

Consider things from every angle

Don't give up and don't give in

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone

Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them out and enjoy their riches

Give more than you planned to

Hang on to your dreams

Ignore those who try to discourage you

Just do it

Keep doing no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier

Love yourself first and most

Make it happen

Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal

Open your eyes and see things as they really are

Practice makes perfect

Quitters never win and winners never quit

Read, study and learn about everything important in your life

Stop procrastinating

Take control of your own destiny

Understand yourself in order to better understand others

Visualize it

Want it more than anything

Xcellerate your efforts

You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace you

Zero in on your target and go for it!




I'm not perfect. But, I try to be optimistic the majority of the time. I feel like lately I haven't been as much, but, I try to make a conscious effort each day to remind myself that the glass is ALWAYS half full, not half empty.

I found "The ABC's of Optimism" when I was going through my old emails.. Karen had sent it to me because I saw this quote, or whatever you would call it, hanging on her wall.

I'm one of those people that has a hard time staying focused once I get towards the end of almost achieving a goal. I have many friends who, once they set a goal, nothing gets in their way, they work so hard until they achieve it. I admire them so much for that. I typically always achieve my goals, its just more on the Lauren Time-frame.

Anyway, I have been thinking the past few days of all the amazing people who surround me each and everyday. They are all amazing. I can't stress that enough. They all are uplifting, motivated, hard working individuals who make things happen. I am so proud of all of them. I know not everyday is easy for them, but instead of giving up when the going gets tough, they stick through it and come out on top.

I have met so many new people this past year, made so lasting and real friendships. I have met the majority of them when it was unexpected. I just feel so much joy and gratitude at this very moment. I want to personally tell each and everyone of them how much I love, appreciate, and admire them all. But, the list would be pretty darn long. So, my dear friends, who are reading this post. I am thankful for YOU and your hard working, uplifting, inspirational, optimistic, ambitious, spiritual, intellectual, caring, creative, examples. You all play an important role in my life, whether we see each other once every 6 months, or everyday. I am Thankful for YOU. And for your support, love and friendships that you have all given me this past year and for some of you, the past few years.

I feel so much gratitude right now. I think about my career, and how much I love it. I love meeting so many new people on a daily basis and with most of them, creating a lasting friendship. I learn so much from them. We learn so much about each other, and it's nice because we become part of each others families, in a way. (it sounds weird, but it's so true, any hair stylist would back me up on this one)




“The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.” He continued: “Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!” - President Joseph F. Smith, 6th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.