Today was a wonderful Sunday.

Part of it was spent with 4 year olds. They say the funniest things. They have this view on life that is beautiful. Everything is special to them. Everything is amazing. They are also like sponges. They absorb everything, and know so much.


My friend Brittney did a wonderful job teaching them about Choosing the Right, and about the scriptures. It was so neat to see these sweet little children become so excited because they knew what the scriptures were. They knew who Jesus Christ is. It was just so sweet. They have this view of the world, that's rare. They see everything as something special. Their faces light up over everything.

It made me want to be like that. To see everything as something special. To see the world as if I were seeing it for the first time.

I believe that is something we can all do.


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Next Thought....


I was thinking just now, well, I think a lot, I think about the choices I make everyday. The choices I have made in the past. I think about where my life is going, and where it once was. I think about the people in my life, I think about so many things.

I have sometimes moments where I reflect and wonder, if I did the right thing, if I made the right decision, if I should have waited a bit longer before choosing to do something. I think about what could have happened, had I done something differently.

Back tracking a bit, I see where I am now, and I don't have any regrets. I am happy about where I am. I am happy with a lot of things. I see where I am today, based on the decisions I have made and things I have done based on what I felt I was meant to do, or what the Lord wanted me to do. (That was a run on sentence....)

But, every once in a while I reflect. And when I reflect, I think about everything I have done (well not everything, but I reflect back to recent things, decisions, choices, things from the past year/months) and think about how my life would be different had I made different choices. And in that thought, I see why I did what I did, or why that one thing happened, and I feel relief knowing that by trusting in the Lord and trusting myself, I have come a lot farther, had more refining/experience than I would have, had I not listened/gone with my instincts.


That's deep.


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New Thought.....

I am full of gratitude. I feel so grateful for so many things. I wouldn't be where I am today without Heavenly Father. He continually blesses my life, sometimes I don't always feel deserving of his blessings. I know he loves me, and I know he loves each and everyone of you. Life is a big mystery at times. It's like we are walking and we can only see 20 feet ahead of us, but God can see a lot farther than that. He knows everything, he knows the desires of our hearts, the pains we endure, the questions we have. He knows it all.

I hope you all know of your Individual Worth. You are amazing, you are priceless. I don't know why, but, I feel like someone reading this post needs to hear it. "The worth of EVERY soul is great in the sight of God." Don't forget that, don't forget that YOU are amazing, YOU are beautiful. The Lord has a plan for YOU. He loves you and knows you.

Whitney is my Inspiration!

Last night my Aunt and Cousin came into town from Utah. It has been a real treat being able to catch up and have some fun.

Brynn (my cousin) and I have been doing crafts..

(Isn't she darling?)

I wasn't originally planning on doing anything crafty, until I was reading my dear friend/sister's blog (Whitney!). She does fun crafts while the baby is sleeping, I have always loved all the things she comes up with. The most recent project of hers really stood out to me.

A Temple Box....

(Here is the one she made.. I love it!)






She's so crafty :)

I decided that I wanted to make one too. We went to the craft store, and I found this little box that can hold pens and such.

I was searching for a some pics of the temple I liked, and I came across this picture.


I love this. :)


Listen Up Boys... :)



Pictures will be up later of Brynn and I's projects.

:)

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind! Actually, the past month has been a whirlwind. And I have loved every minute of it.

I've been looking forward to Summer since January. I knew I would be done with all my treatment, and I would be able to live a normal life again.

It's been amazing! I feel blessed every single day to be alive and thriving.

My 2 dear friends, Brittany and her sister Erin, have been in town, and I have had the privilege to spend my time with them, their other siblings, and their friends (my new friends!) It has been a real treat.

I rediscovered an old love of mine. Lawrence, Kansas. The past few weekends were spent down there, full of random adventures (never a dull a moment).

I look forward to the upcoming weeks as well, I have family coming into town this week, and then in a week and a half I head out to Salt Lake, Idaho, California (everywhere in between) for a few weeks. It's gonna be so great to see old friends, and to see Brittany and Erin again!

I look around and I see the Lord's hand in my life. He continually blesses me every single day. I'm not just saying that, he truly does. He has opened up doors, brought new people into my life, grown my business. I wouldn't be where I am today, without his hand. I also see his hand in the lives of the people around me. It fills my heart with joy and with peace. It is a constant reminder that life is a blessing and is easier when he is with us. My heart is so full right now. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I have my moments still where I feel down, but, those are far and few. Overall, I feel a sense of joy, serenity, and clarity. Something I have desired to feel in my life for many years. It's funny that it took going through a serious illness to feel this way.

Make sure you count your blessings. Look around and you will also see that there is much to be grateful for. There is much to be happy about. The glass is NEVER half empty.

I look forward to each new day. I look forward to my future. I look forward to living :)

Life

Soooo after months and months, I have finally stopped wearing wigs.

At first, I wasn't too thrilled about it, I felt insecure and awkward. But, after reassurance from friends and family, I stopped caring what other people would think and just went for it.

The first few days, I let everyone know how insecure and uncomfortable it was, but then, somehow moved past it.

Now, I like it, I won't say LOVE it, but I like it. It's nice to feel the wind on my head. It's nice not having to worry if my wig is on straight or if the wind is going to blow it off.


Back in December, I shaved it (which many of you know). The chemo started taking its toll and its last victim to be affected was my hair. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I had gone up to the temple with a few friends and on the car ride home it was falling out in chunks. I would barely touch it and many pieces would fall out. I was sad, sick and over it.

So, once we returned to Platte City, I called my dear friend Kate whom is a very talented photgrapher, I wanted her to help me document my journey. So, we started with the shaving of my head.

http://www.katefeiderphotography.com/

I was worried about doing it. I didn't want people to think I was like Britney Spears or something. Which, I knew I wasn't anywhere close to that, but I still was worried about the new step I was taking. I realized though, that it was part of the journey I was supposed to take.

Kate did a beautiful job at capturing this emotional/humbling moment for me.

While we were doing this, there was a knock at the bathroom door, her little girl Brooklyn, walked in. I was worried that she would be frightened by what we were doing, but Brooklyn was brave. She actually helped me do it.

Once we were finished, I felt empowered. I had just faced one of my biggest fears up to that point.



*Kate told me she was "checking the settings" on her camera, little did I know she was actually photographing me. I like this picture because you can see the mixed emotion. It reminds me that this was real, but it also reminds me of how merciful the Lord is. He spared my life, he opened my eyes to greater things. And I wouldn't trade that experience and wisdom for anything.


* I started cutting my hair first just so it would be easier when I started using the clippers on it. With every snip of the scissors, I felt a sense of control. I wasn't able to control the cancer, I wasn't able to control the chemo, but I was able to control my sense of self and take control of the situation before the chemo took the rest of my hair away.



* I love how Kate captured this one.








*My new helper/friend. She was so sweet and kind the whole time.






~ Below is a Poem I wrote while I was going through Chemotherapy back in January. I had only shared it with very few people. I would say probably 2. I wasn't originally planning on sharing ANY of this on my blog, but I wanted to do it for myself, as a way of commemorating the past few months, because they have given me so much.
The poem itself is pretty long. But, it captured every emotion, thought, and feeling I had.


Untitled

"Your life can change in a moment
I've heard that time and time again
But I had no idea what that meant
Until I was introduced to my new Silent Friend

A Friend? It's such a kind label
One may wonder why it could be considered such
But, for me it has helped me to grow
And to cherish this life so much

I'll always remember that phone call
The day my life drastically changed.
The words, the emotions, the fear
Made my life become deranged.

I didn't have all the answers
Didn't know what would lie ahead.
I didn't know if I was going to make it.
Or if I would end up dead.

My support system instantly manifested.
'We WILL get through this','I'm Sorry' was all that they could say.
But their loving words, their kindness
Didn't seem to take the pain away.

I'll never forget that Thursday
I'll never forget the tears.
I collapsed, crumpled on the floor
A few minutes felt like many years.

I thought of my future, my husband, my family.
Would I meet them in this lifetime?
Would they be able to know me?

I thought of my parents,
And how this friend would hurt them so.
How do I introduce them,
to a thing they would NEVER wish to know?

This journey has taught me to be Thankful,
To realize how blessed I truly am.
So I'm thankful for EVERY single day,
Thankful for the Savior who makes me feel as calm as a Lamb.

I'm Thankful for the pain,
That I felt every single Night.
The way my body and my spirit
Naturally decided to Fight.

I'm Thankful for the clippers,
Which took away my hair.
It taught me to feel EMPOWERED,
Rather than feel despair.

I'm Thankful for the Chemo
That beat my body down.
For I know that it's purpose,
Was to run the Villan out of the Town.

I'm Thankful for the sleepless nights,
Full of Pain and Fear and Doubt
Because I was able to rely on the Father,
It taught me to reach out.

I traded in my Vanity
For scars that cover my Body.
They will be there everyday,
But, I won't let them haunt Me.

The marks that cover my hands
The port inside my chest
Will constantly be a reminder
Even when this trial is over and I can take time to rest.

My wig, though it's a hassle
I take it every where I go
It allows me to feel "NORMAL"
While I am dealing with the Foe.

I called this cancer my friend
It has literally changed who I am.
It has left it's mark,
It has become my #1 fan.

It wants to be with me forever.
It wants my body to be it's home.
But, I refuse to let it.
I won't let this Stranger roam.

A stranger, a foe, a friend
So many names I've called it
It's all of those, I can't just pick one
One name just doesn't seem to fit.

I know that once this trial is over
A new one will arise.
But, I know how to face my fears now,
I am able to look them straight in the eyes.

I testify that Christ is real.
He has been with me along the way.
He continues to love and bless Me
Each and Every Single Day.

You never know how strong you are
When things go out of your control.
You have to let go, You have to have Faith
And allow Christ to play his role.

I'll always remember that Thursday
The day my life drastically changed.
I'll ALWAYS remember the Savior,
From me he will NEVER be estranged."

What's Beautiful To Me

My heart is so full right now. This past year has been full of enlightenment, growth, and progression. I have seen changes in myself and in others.

It's beautiful to me. Seeing how people can make so many positive changes in their lives. I see people in my life (as well as at times in my own life) whom have been so consumed with pride, despair, and doubt, and I have seen them have a "mighty change of heart". They become full of faith, hope, and joy. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It's Possible.

It's such a beautiful thing, I know I keep saying that, but it really is. I am so grateful for their strength to make the changes which aren't easy. To completely turn their lives around so they can experience life to the fullest. I am so grateful for their new views on life and their testimonies of the Gospel. It helps to strengthen my own testimony.

It takes so much strength and courage to realize that we can't do this on our own, that we need the help and love of the Lord and Heavenly Father to get through life, to overcome our weaknesses and to get back on the path we are meant to be on.

The Atonement is such a beautiful thing, because Christ came down to this earth and died for us, it is possible for each and everyone of us to have the opportunity to return to live with him again, to have the opportunity to experience Everlasting Happiness.

That is something each and everyone of us is searching for, and there is an answer, it is the Savior, Jesus Christ.

It is through him and his loving hand that we are able to experience joy.

And for that I am eternally thankful.