I have so many goals!

I am happpy.

I think I may have some weird mood disorder.

One minute I can be sad or mad.

And the next, I am happy and giddy.


Oh wait, that's pretty much the definition of a Female.


I don't feel so bad now.










I think EVERYONE should check out Pinterest ,.... its AMAZING!


Oh and check out Kate Feider Photography on Facebook!!! Or her Website.. she is talented beyond everything.

Just What I Needed...

A wonderful trip to Utah.


My home away from home.


Full of dear family, wonderful friends, random adventures, and priceless memories.


It was so nice to be able to get away and recharge.

Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I've been thinking a lot, about everything you do and have done for me. You guys are amazing. Words cannot even begin to express how much love, appreciation, gratitude, respect, charity, admiration (the list goes on and on) for you.

Mom, you went through so much to bring me into this world. You risked your life to have me, you knew that having me may not be an easy journey for you physically, but you selflessly sacrificed your temporary comfort and health to bring me into this world. I know we had a rough journey in the beginning, I scared you and Dad quite a bit with all the health problems I had, just as a newborn baby. You guys hung in there and did everything you could despite fatigue and exhaustion to keep me healthy and strong.

You guys gave John and I a beautiful life. We NEVER had any worries or concerns. You created so many fun memories for us. With our family vacations each year. We had no idea at the time your financial situation in the beginning of our lives. You never allowed that to keep us from having a wonderful childhood. When we got older you taught us the importance of working hard, saving money (even though that one took me a while to learn) and being grateful for what you have even if in the moment it isn't a lot.

I remember the separation anxiety I would get as a little girl going to school everyday. Man, I made it hard for you sometimes when I would fight you on going to school. I remember Mom, you gave me a family picture to keep in my backpack in Elementary school with a note written on the back so I would know how much you and Dad loved me. You would even let me wear your favorite necklace all day at school so I wouldn't be sad. You were VERY selfless and loving.

I always felt love from You and Dad both. And I still do.

I know that as a teenager and even after high school I started doing my own thing. I am sure you guys just felt like you were my personal grocery store and ATM machine.
I know I never showed my Gratitude at the time. But, I am grateful for all that you did for me.

You guys were and are always there for me, even if I would shut you out at times.

You always tell John and I how much you love us. I know I would get annoyed at times because I heard it so much. But, I am grateful for that.

You guys dropped everything going on in your lives the day I was diagnosed with cancer. You took the initiative to handle all the doctor appointments and insurance claims so it was one less thing I had to worry about. You guys were by my bedside the few times I was in the hospital when I was going treatment. You guys took notes from the doctors, stated your concerns, made sure you knew everything that was going on and everything the doctors were thinking so I would receive the best treatment. You guys held my hand when the doctors would hook me up to the Chemo machine (even though I told you I was strong and didn't need that.. I lied, I am grateful for that, I was strong on the outside, but inside I was devastated, scared, and in pain). You guys let me yell and curse (yes I did that) when I was upset about the cancer, when I was so sick that I wanted to die. You just listened and knew that I needed that so I could vent all the frustration that was bottled up. You guys are my heroes. You guys were 2 of my guardian angels when I needed it the most.

Thank You.

My eyes were really opened to how truly amazing you are, the past few days, when I came to you for help, because 2 people I care about so much needed help. I had no idea what to do. They had no idea what to do. I was scared and so were they and you guys brought peace to all of us and helped us figure it out. Thank You.

I always took you guys for granted.. I saw you as "Mom" and "Dad". But now I see you as more. I see you as Strong Children of our Heavenly Father. He blessed me with 2 smart, incredible parents who have guided and helped me and continue to do so more than I could imagine.


I love you guys so much.

I can't believe it's almost September. Time has flown by so fast. So fast.

It's been 10 months since I found out I had cancer. 9 months since I first entered the doors of the Cancer Center in Tulsa. 8 months since my hair started falling out/since I shaved my head. 6 months since my last round of chemo. 5 months since I found out I was in remission. 3 months since I stopped wearing wigs. 2 months since I since I went to Utah.


I'm not going to lie. I still think about it every single day.
It probably doesn't help that I still have my port in my chest. I don't notice it as much as I did in the beginning, but I can still feel it at random times. It's not the most comfortable thing. But, I feel like I will miss it when it's gone. That may sound weird, but it a strange way, it's been a part of me all this time. So it will be weird not to feel it anymore. Don't get me wrong.. it WILL be nice when they take it out though.

I can still feel the chemo run through my veins.

I can still feel the prick of each needle from the IV's to the acupuncture.

I can still remember the emotions I felt while I was sitting in the Infusion Center, surrounded by sickness and death.

I can still hear the drip of the IV.

I can still smell the Cancer Center.

I can see the look in the doctor's eyes when they told me the news, and when they told me 2 weeks ago I might still have it.

I have dreams that the cancer is back, or that I have another form, one that is worse.

I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night, wide awake, like I did when I was sick.

But.. even though this happens. I am now able to see a future for myself. I wasn't able to see it in the midst of the chaos.

I am able to plan for my future and make goals again. Sometimes, I still fear that my goals and dreams won't go according to plan because of my health. But, then I just have to remember to look forward with faith.

It's hard sometimes, I am not going to lie. But, it's what helps me.

I can Breathe!

I feel like I can breathe again!

I had a cancer scare last week, my doctors found a spot and were talking about chemotherapy (again), radiation (again), and invasive surgeries (again)

I was pretty disheartened when I heard the news.

It was a year ago ALL over again. I had to play the Waiting Game.. A game I am not a fan of.

I found out a few days ago, that it didn't look like cancer.. Thankfully.

I was relieved, the joyful feeling didn't hit me until a few days later.

I can breathe again!

The week before my PET scan and the week of my PET scan, I was a nervous wreck. I was in my own world, everyone could tell I wasn't 100% there. I was constantly thinking about going to Tulsa again. Thinking about the IVs, the patients, how I was and still technically am a patient to my doctors down there.

I told myself that if my scan came back clear I was going back out to Salt Lake to visit.

So... in a week and a half I leave for a few days... I am so excited to be back out in the Mountains, and to see my friends and family. I have missed them all terribly.

Last night I FINALLY worked on a new vision board. I was looking at the one I made during cancer and I realized I had accomplished everything on it. Now I am making a long term one and a short term one.

Long term - what I want to achieve and have in the next 10 years.

Short term - what I want to achieve and have in the next year.

I am looking forward to the months ahead, to the things I am going to do and accomplish.

The ABC's of Optimism

Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

Believe in yourself

Consider things from every angle

Don't give up and don't give in

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone

Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them out and enjoy their riches

Give more than you planned to

Hang on to your dreams

Ignore those who try to discourage you

Just do it

Keep doing no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier

Love yourself first and most

Make it happen

Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal

Open your eyes and see things as they really are

Practice makes perfect

Quitters never win and winners never quit

Read, study and learn about everything important in your life

Stop procrastinating

Take control of your own destiny

Understand yourself in order to better understand others

Visualize it

Want it more than anything

Xcellerate your efforts

You are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace you

Zero in on your target and go for it!




I'm not perfect. But, I try to be optimistic the majority of the time. I feel like lately I haven't been as much, but, I try to make a conscious effort each day to remind myself that the glass is ALWAYS half full, not half empty.

I found "The ABC's of Optimism" when I was going through my old emails.. Karen had sent it to me because I saw this quote, or whatever you would call it, hanging on her wall.

I'm one of those people that has a hard time staying focused once I get towards the end of almost achieving a goal. I have many friends who, once they set a goal, nothing gets in their way, they work so hard until they achieve it. I admire them so much for that. I typically always achieve my goals, its just more on the Lauren Time-frame.

Anyway, I have been thinking the past few days of all the amazing people who surround me each and everyday. They are all amazing. I can't stress that enough. They all are uplifting, motivated, hard working individuals who make things happen. I am so proud of all of them. I know not everyday is easy for them, but instead of giving up when the going gets tough, they stick through it and come out on top.

I have met so many new people this past year, made so lasting and real friendships. I have met the majority of them when it was unexpected. I just feel so much joy and gratitude at this very moment. I want to personally tell each and everyone of them how much I love, appreciate, and admire them all. But, the list would be pretty darn long. So, my dear friends, who are reading this post. I am thankful for YOU and your hard working, uplifting, inspirational, optimistic, ambitious, spiritual, intellectual, caring, creative, examples. You all play an important role in my life, whether we see each other once every 6 months, or everyday. I am Thankful for YOU. And for your support, love and friendships that you have all given me this past year and for some of you, the past few years.

I feel so much gratitude right now. I think about my career, and how much I love it. I love meeting so many new people on a daily basis and with most of them, creating a lasting friendship. I learn so much from them. We learn so much about each other, and it's nice because we become part of each others families, in a way. (it sounds weird, but it's so true, any hair stylist would back me up on this one)




“The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.” He continued: “Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!” - President Joseph F. Smith, 6th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

What I know.

I went to bed feeling confused, frustrated and lost.

I woke up feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and mentally clear.

The past week and even maybe few months I had gotten so caught up in the daily grind that I forgot maintain my relationship with Heavenly Father.

I had a good conversation last night with a good friend of mine. The past week I have been going to him at random times for insight, and counsel. He reminded me over and over that I shouldn't worry about material things or worry about what others think. I should only worry about what God thinks about me. Now, that is something I've always known. But, for a while I felt like I had put a wall up with Heavenly Father and hadn't really spoken with him. I wasn't mad at him, I just kept putting it off until eventually it really didn't cross my mind. I couldn't figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Well, deep down I knew why I felt stressed and anxious and confused, but I felt as though I had forgotten how to communicate with our Father in Heaven. And I felt that I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Last night, I decided that I was going to change my behavior, I decided to get back in the habit of being spiritually in tune with Him. And, I feel more peace than I have in a while.

It's easy to do, it's so easy to get caught up with life, that we forget to include the One who loves us more than we could every possibly imagine. Our Father in Heaven.

Some of you may ask; Why we are all on this earth? Where did we come from? Where are we going? What is the purpose of Life?

Well, we are all here on this earth so we could each gain a mortal body, go through mortal experiences, so we could prove our love to Heavenly Father, and if we are faithful, we have the opportunity to live with him again.

It's so simple and so beautiful.

As many of you know, I am "Mormon" I like to be known as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

When Christ was on the earth, the fullness of the Gospel was also on the earth. But, after Christ was crucified his apostles were Martyred and members of the church fell away . This made it so the fullness was no longer on the earth, for many years.

It wasn't until the year 1820, when a young boy by the name of Joseph Smtih, had questions about which church to join. He was reading in the Bible, James 1:5 "If any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upraideth not, and it shall be given him."

So, he decided to go and ask of God. And when he did that, God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ appeared to him. He described it, “I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. . . When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and

glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

"In his vision God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared. The Savior told Joseph not to join any of the churches. Although many good people at that time believed in Christ and tried to understand and teach His gospel, they didn’t have the fullness of truth or the authority to baptize and perform other saving ordinances. This vision marked the beginning of the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ to the earth, which God authorized to be established 10-years later by a wiser, heaven-tutored Joseph Smith, once again allowing everyone to receive the joy and blessings that come from living it." -- www.mormon.org


Now, there may be some of you out there who either don't believe in God, or feel abandoned by him, or feel angry at him. You may feel as though you are alone. But, you are not alone. He has a plan for each and everyone of you. We are given adversity so we can grow and also so we can fully submit ourselves to him.

I believe that to be true with all of my heart. I am so thankful for that knowledge.