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My cousin shared this quote with me the other day, and I loved it.

"What if you woke up today with only the things you remembered to thank the Lord for yesterday"

I really like that, I can tell you that somedays I may not recognize my blessings, and I don't express my gratitude for them.

I feel so much gratitude right now. One year ago tomorrow, I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the weight I instantly carried, the fear, the unanswered questions. The hardest part was telling the ones I loved what was going on.

I never thought I would be healthy today, I thought the rest of my life would be filled with chemotherapy, radiation, and surgeries. I thought I would spend the rest of my days full of physical pain as the cancer and the chemotherapy both fought to stay in my body. I thought I would be bald for the rest of my life. That may sound dramatic, but I had no idea what to expect in the midst of all the chaos.



I spent many nights feeling sick, scared, angry, and insecure.

But, I always knew deep down, that everything was going to be okay. I had no idea how it was going to be okay, but I just knew.

Once I first heard the words that the cancer was in remission, I felt like I could breathe again, but only for a moment. I had expectations. I expected my body to be completely back to normal, expected to have a full head of hair again, instantly.

It took time, but things have gotten back to normal again. I spent many months after chemo, trying to figure out my life. Trying to figure out what the next step for me was. I began to also feel many emotions I hadn't felt in a long time. I was angry again. I was hurt. I was in shock that something so traumatic happened to me. I began to feel pride amd emnity towards people. I pushed people away. I began to tell myself that the only person I needed in my life was me and no one else. I knew that I was the only person that I could control. And that I wouldn't break my own heart. I wouldn't cause myself to have cancer again. I felt I didn't need anyone.

That thought process led me to become bitter and hardened. I didn't feel like myself at all, and I was okay with that.

I realize now that many cancer survivors and survivors of any kind of traumatic event can have similar feelings and experiences.

I woke up one day and literally felt renewed. I decided that I wanted to serve others again. "Forget yourself and go to work" those words were from President Gordon B. Hinkley's father.

As I did this, I began to feel softened again. I began to see how mericiful God truly is. I began to see my blessings.

I've been able to finally move on with my life. Leaving the past behind me and letting go of negativity. It hasn't been easy.

I now look forward to my future and have decided that I don't have time to be sick. I have so many goals I am in the process of achieving. I know I wouldn't be able to without the Lord.