The Tender Mercies of the Lord

This week has been a huge humbling experience for me. Let me start from the beginning.. well, its sort of the beginning.

Last week was rough, emotionally rough. I was so scarred emotionally and partially physically from my first round of chemo. I literally felt like I was on death's door. There were moments (many of them) where I felt like I couldn't get through it, where I felt like I wasn't strong enough. I felt angry, alone, abandoned. I was so negative and so bitter. I hated feeling that way. It wasn't who I am.

Saturday the 3rd I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Winter Quarter's temple again. On the way up there I was surrounded by wonderful company and felt so much peace, even though physically I was exhausted. This experience was different from most, but it somehow gave me great hope, I knew that everything was going to be okay. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to draw close to the Savior and feel his love for me.

It's in those moments of weakness, of pain, sorrow, and affliction where we can truly feel the Tender Mercies of the Lord.

I had my second round of chemo on Monday, I was originally supposed to do it last week, but couldn't because my White Blood Cell count was so low. So low, that my immune system was literally non-exsistent. When the doctor's told me we wouldn't be doing chemo that week, I was so upset, because we drove down there, and I had mentally psyched myself up for the discomfort that lied ahead.

But, once I got home and felt normal for the first time in months, I was so grateful. I took the time to work, spend time with family and my amazing friends. I was able to do things that I wasn't able to do before because I was so tired or sick.

I am learning to face my emotions and challenges in life. I used to always avoid them, and run from them. But, this experience has taught me to face your fears and realize that anything worth having in life is worth fighting for. Whether you are fighting for your own life, survival, dreams, anything. Anything good in life takes a certain amount of sacrifice and pain to acheive. That is how we grow.

I was reading in the Ensign this morning, a couple of different talks. The first one was by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf called "Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?" He starts off by quoting one of my favorite hymns:

"Now let us rejoice in the day of salvation. No longer as strangers on earth need we roam. Good tidings are sounding to us and each nation."

He goes on to talk about how we can find joy in trials, and how we have reason to rejoice through the Savior. Now, this excerpt from his talk is a little lengthy, but It is such an incredible story I had to share it.

' I remember a time when things didn’t look good for our family when I was a child. It was in the winter of 1944, one of the coldest during World War II. The war front was approaching our town, and my mother had to take us four children, leave all our possessions behind, and join the millions of fleeing refugees in a desperate search for a place to survive. Our father was still in the military, but he and Mother had agreed that if they were ever separated during the war, they would try to reunite at the hometown of my grandparents. They felt this place offered the greatest hope for shelter and safety.
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With bombing raids during the night and air attacks during the day, it took us many days to reach my grandparents. My memories of those days are of darkness and coldness.
My father returned to us unharmed, but our future looked extremely bleak. We were living in the rubble of postwar Germany with a devastating feeling of hopelessness and darkness about our future.
In the middle of this despair, my family learned about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the healing message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. This message made all the difference; it lifted us above our daily misery. Life was still thorny and the circumstances still horrible, but the gospel brought light, hope, and joy into our lives. The plain and simple truths of the gospel warmed our hearts and enlightened our minds. They helped us look at ourselves and the world around us with different eyes and from an elevated viewpoint.
My dear brothers and sisters, aren’t the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in His Church great reasons to rejoice?
Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life’s situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness. The Lord knows your circumstances and your challenges. He said to Paul and to all of us, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” And like Paul we can answer: “My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9)."