We have to taste the bitter, in order to enjoy the sweet.

Dang, it has certainly been a while. Life has been crazy the past month and a half. It's been good overall, I've had a few aha moments, made a few new friends, and caught up with old friends. The past week and a half, my heart has been so full. I had a few bumps along the way leading up to this point, but, they have taught me so much. You know, it's funny, my life is finally back to what one would consider as "normal". I'm cancer free, no more surgeries, scans, (actually, not quite), but, no more medicine, chemo, hair loss, sickness. I'm back in the real world. The life of a young single adult again. Which means, dating, relationships, friendships, independence, etc. Before cancer, if one of those things that i listed above, did not go the way I had planned, it would have literally crushed me. I would have thought it was the end of the world, I would have sat around dwelled, cried, moped, and become depressed for a long period of time. But now, when those things don't go the way I planned, or if someone hurts me, or if I go through a breakup, or lose a friend, or have any sort of adversity, yeah, it's sad, and yeah I'm human so i feel those emotions. But, I am able to take a step back and tell myself, that having cancer was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Probably one of the hardest things anyone could go through. Literally being close to deaths door, not knowing if you are going to live to be 100 or survive, but, having to be on chemo for the rest of your life, that is the hardest thing I have ever had to face, it changes you. It changes the way you think, feel, your viewpoint on life. Waking up everyday, feeling the toll on my body from the abuse of the chemotherapy and radiation. Feeling the tightness and aches in my chest from where they cut through the bone to remove a tennis ball sized tumor, not quite 6 months ago. SEeing the scars along my chest, abdomen, hands, and arms from all the cutting, poking, and proding the doctors had to do in order to save my life. Those all remind me that life really isn't as bad as it may seem in the moment. Sometimes, it's not going to go the way we plan, people are going to leave us, hurt us, we are going to have mean customers at work or someone may make us mad, a friend may betray us, we may lose a loved one, lose a job, move to a different city or state, It's a part of life. We have to go through trials, whether big or small. We have to taste the bitter in order to enjoy and be blessed with the sweet. But, we have to remember that life is not always as bad as it may seem. I've thought about the this past week. I've been able to use my cancer journey as a learning experience. It has helped to be able to be strong with who am. It's touched my life, have met so many amazing and beautiful people from it. I am thankful for it because it has saved me from my old emotional habits of allowing another persons actions to affect me long term. Now, am not saying that I dont feel anything when somethindg bad or sad happens, I do. I am just able to move forward quicker, and heal faster because I change my thought pattern. It's not easy, and it takes a conscious effort, but the lord has truly helped me. I was sitting at church today, in the congregation, and I saw all the families sitting there with their children, I felt so much peace. That is the true purpose in this life, to become families, to bring children into this world and to return back to our father in heaven. Its such a beautiful thing. And I look forward to the day when I am able to bring my own children into this world as well. Maybe not tomorrow, but I know someday I will be able to and I know that they will teach me so much. I am gratful to be alive. I am grateful for the blessings I have.