October 14, 2010

It has certainly been quite some time (almost a year and a half), since I have writen on my blog. Tomorrow, October 14,2013 is the 3 year anniversary since I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. Gosh, it's hard for me to think back to that moment, so many emotions were felt. It is certainly a day I will never, ever, forget. Thursday October 14, 2013. I was 22 years old. I had had surgery a few days prior, they took out part of a tumor from my neck, to biopsy it and make sure it wasn't cancer. 2 days after the surgery, I went back to work. Being in the salon, doing what I love, helped me so much during that time. It helped me to escape my worries of the unknown. It was a Thursday. I went to the salon, waiting for the doctor to figure out what the mass in my neck was. I kept my phone close to my side. I was in the middle of a men's haircut when the phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize, so I only knew it must have meant one thing. I excused myself and went into the bathroom (the quietest place in the salon) and answered. The voice on the other line was a familiar one. It was the doctor who had performed the surgery. Keep in mind, a few weeks prior to this, the doctors were almost 95% sure that the tumor was In fact malignant. He spoke to me, letting me know how the surgery went and what the biopsy results were. I felt sick to my stomach. The tone in his voice wasn't that of a doctor speaking to a patient. It was almost as if it were a friend, bearing devastating news. He said those dreaded words, "You have cancer". I remained calm. I politely thanked him for calling me and we said our farewells. In that instant, I literally collapsed on the floor, into a ball and began sobbing and sobbing. I don't think I had cried like that in years. After a few minutes, I composed myself, wiped my tears away, and I knew I had to face the world. The girls at the salon knew, without me even saying a word, what the results were. They all began to give me hugs as the tears poured out. I remember sitting in a chair and all I a sudden my boss, mentor, and friend, came back and held me in her arms as I cried uncontrollably. She kept telling me that she loved me and that "we would get through this". I drove home that day. I knew my parents were out on a date. It had been some time since they went because they were consumed by the stress of my health issues. I didn't want to call them and give them the awful news. I wanted them to have an evening of joy, before I destroyed their world. I called many different people on my way home. I can't quite recall whom I called, in what order. But I remember, not being able to get a hold of anyone. I ended up calling my childhood best friend/brother Morgan. He had been one of the few people whom had known the possibility for cancer was high. Getting the words out were just the beginning of the many hard things I would have to say in the next year. I got home, and I didn't know what else to do. If I remember correctly, I went home and told my Aunt and cousins, they live next door to my parents. I went over there and shared the news with tears in my eyes. I was finally able to share the news with my wonderful parents. The worst feeling in the world is not so much receiving a possible death sentence, but, was telling my loved ones what was going on, and seeing their hearts literally break right in front of me. I ended up sending out a mass text to my close friends... I knew I needed to tell everyone in my life. They needed to know what was going on, just incase I didn't make it. They will all tell you how casual I made the text. Haha I didn't want to startle them. I believe the text went something like this.. "Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know, the docs found a mass in my neck and chest, it's cancer. But, I'm sure I'll be fine! I love you!" I mean, how else do you tell your friends and loved ones that your body is consumed by a deadly disease, without causing them to panic. I mean, I knew they would figure it out anyway, if I didn't tell them. He bald head and sickly body would for sure give it away. The next few days after my diagnosis were a whirlwind. I met so many people who were such a wonderful support to me. I met a few cancer warriors whom had been through what I was going through, except their stories and fights are more incredible than mine. Lori Lober, Jackie Malena, and Jessica Airington, your guys strength and courage let me know that I could also beat this. We met with different doctors through out the Kansas City area. But, we didn't have much luck. Finally, after much research, prayer, and patience, my dad saw a commercial for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. We made the phone call, and were able to get an appointment for me to meet with their highly trained team of cancer specialists. The closest location to me at the time was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. At this time, it was mid October, my favorite month. There was no way I was going to be on deaths door from chemotherapy during my favorite month. I decided that November 1,2010 would be the day we could make the 4 hour drive to meet my doctors. Eventually, we had a plan set up on how to fight the disease. I felt peaceful. Little did I know/understand/comprehend the upcoming days, nights, weeks, months, and even few years of pure Hell and darkness that awaited me. Through the journey, I was able to feel the healing powers of Christ and his Atonement. The healing powered of the priesthood, faith, fasting, and prayers from many people across the world, and a positive attitude, are truly what saved my life in the end. The safety of the gospel, temple, my family and loved ones gave me much comfort. I am thankful that it's been 3 years since that awful day. I am thankful I kept fighting. I continued to live my life as normal as possible. Only a small handful of my clients knew what I was going through. I continued working at the salon the entire time I was sick. I would receive 8 hours of chemotherapy on a Monday, drive home the next day, and return to work that Wednesday. Work is what kept me from freaking out. I was able to feel like a "normal, healthy" Individual. I can't believe it's been 3 years.