3 years

~ Below is a Poem I wrote while I was going through Chemotherapy back in January. I had only shared it with very few people. I would say probably 2. I wasn't originally planning on sharing ANY of this on my blog, but I wanted to do it for myself, as a way of commemorating the past few months, because they have given me so much. The poem itself is pretty long. But, it captured every emotion, thought, and feeling I had. Untitled "Your life can change in a moment I've heard that time and time again But I had no idea what that meant Until I was introduced to my new Silent Friend A Friend? It's such a kind label One may wonder why it could be considered such But, for me it has helped me to grow And to cherish this life so much I'll always remember that phone call The day my life drastically changed. The words, the emotions, the fear Made my life become deranged. I didn't have all the answers Didn't know what would lie ahead. I didn't know if I was going to make it. Or if I would end up dead. My support system instantly manifested. 'We WILL get through this','I'm Sorry' was all that they could say. But their loving words, their kindness Didn't seem to take the pain away. I'll never forget that Thursday I'll never forget the tears. I collapsed, crumpled on the floor A few minutes felt like many years. I thought of my future, my husband, my family. Would I meet them in this lifetime? Would they be able to know me? I thought of my parents, And how this friend would hurt them so. How do I introduce them, to a thing they would NEVER wish to know? This journey has taught me to be Thankful, To realize how blessed I truly am. So I'm thankful for EVERY single day, Thankful for the Savior who makes me feel as calm as a Lamb. I'm Thankful for the pain, That I felt every single Night. The way my body and my spirit Naturally decided to Fight. I'm Thankful for the clippers, Which took away my hair. It taught me to feel EMPOWERED, Rather than feel despair. I'm Thankful for the Chemo That beat my body down. For I know that it's purpose, Was to run the Villan out of the Town. I'm Thankful for the sleepless nights, Full of Pain and Fear and Doubt Because I was able to rely on the Father, It taught me to reach out. I traded in my Vanity For scars that cover my Body. They will be there everyday, But, I won't let them haunt Me. The marks that cover my hands The port inside my chest Will constantly be a reminder Even when this trial is over and I can take time to rest. My wig, though it's a hassle I take it every where I go It allows me to feel "NORMAL" While I am dealing with the Foe. I called this cancer my friend It has literally changed who I am. It has left it's mark, It has become my #1 fan. It wants to be with me forever. It wants my body to be it's home. But, I refuse to let it. I won't let this Stranger roam. A stranger, a foe, a friend So many names I've called it It's all of those, I can't just pick one One name just doesn't seem to fit. I know that once this trial is over A new one will arise. But, I know how to face my fears now, I am able to look them straight in the eyes. I testify that Christ is real. He has been with me along the way. He continues to love and bless Me Each and Every Single Day. You never know how strong you are When things go out of your control. You have to let go, You have to have Faith And allow Christ to play his role. I'll always remember that Thursday The day my life drastically changed. I'll ALWAYS remember the Savior, From me he will NEVER be estranged."