I love this video so much!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
chocolate rain
I've been thinking alot the past few hours. Just reflecting on everything, literally everything. I have moments like that. It wasn't anything stressful. I suppose I was reminiscing about everything. Interactions with people, memories, conversations, experiences, all of that. Yesterday, I found my journal from last year, I read it and was able to feel gratitude, I'm grateful for every experience (good and bad) that I have had. I wouldn't change anything about the journey I have been on since the day I was born. Every single experience has made me who I am today.
Do you ever listen to music that reminds you of a good time in your life? I do. Right now it's my favorite band Mumford and Sons. I started listening to them last summer and listened to them a lot in the fall. Especially, when I was first diagnosed with cancer. The music reminds me of one of the calmest moments I had. (im typing this blog from my phone and am limited on how many times I can go back and re write a sentence, so please excuse me if some of the sentences don't flow) Like I said, October, listening to Mumford and Sons was a calm moment in my life. I spent many of my days out in the country with 2 dear friends of mine. We all shared laughs, and memories. I learned how to shoot a rifle, learned how to make a fire in a wood burning stove, learned how to make hummus, learned so much. It was the first time in my life in years where I was able to let go, breathe and live. I needed that month in my life to get where I am today. I needed my 2 dear friends at that time to grow. To let go of all the petty stressors in life. I needed them to cry to, vent to, talk to. And in return they both ( at different time) lifted me up, raised me up, stood up for me. And for them I am forever grateful. I wish nothing more for them than to continue to find the happiness that they deserve. I know they are both finding it.
So, Morgan and Noah, this blog is for you. You guys are my brothers, you helped me more than you realize when I needed friends the most. You guys have been on my mind lately and I want you guys to know how grateful I am for the adventures we have had. You guys are amazing. I can't wait to see where life takes both of you.
Always remember Kuato and "Chocolate Rain" (indian horse pose)
Do you ever listen to music that reminds you of a good time in your life? I do. Right now it's my favorite band Mumford and Sons. I started listening to them last summer and listened to them a lot in the fall. Especially, when I was first diagnosed with cancer. The music reminds me of one of the calmest moments I had. (im typing this blog from my phone and am limited on how many times I can go back and re write a sentence, so please excuse me if some of the sentences don't flow) Like I said, October, listening to Mumford and Sons was a calm moment in my life. I spent many of my days out in the country with 2 dear friends of mine. We all shared laughs, and memories. I learned how to shoot a rifle, learned how to make a fire in a wood burning stove, learned how to make hummus, learned so much. It was the first time in my life in years where I was able to let go, breathe and live. I needed that month in my life to get where I am today. I needed my 2 dear friends at that time to grow. To let go of all the petty stressors in life. I needed them to cry to, vent to, talk to. And in return they both ( at different time) lifted me up, raised me up, stood up for me. And for them I am forever grateful. I wish nothing more for them than to continue to find the happiness that they deserve. I know they are both finding it.
So, Morgan and Noah, this blog is for you. You guys are my brothers, you helped me more than you realize when I needed friends the most. You guys have been on my mind lately and I want you guys to know how grateful I am for the adventures we have had. You guys are amazing. I can't wait to see where life takes both of you.
Always remember Kuato and "Chocolate Rain" (indian horse pose)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
January 12 ... It was a great one!
Expectations... MET!!
During the day I hungout with my dear friend Brianne.. We met up and literally chilled all day, it was low key but so much fun.
Anyway, Brianne and I go waaaaaayyyy back. We met at the Sno Cone Shack where we used to work (haha good times). She has taught me so much, haha, so much, I am grateful for all the fun memories we have over shared over the years.
Here is the most recent photo of us.. lame it's from like 3 years ago. Actually, I have one from last Halloween, but it's on my other computer.
Then, this evening, my dear friend Kelly (Whom I mentioned in a previous post) and I met up for dinner, and watched "The Social Network". Well, she watched it, I don't think I was paying too much attention, I was talking to my cousin and reading different articles online. Some of you may know, actually only a few people know (until now) my obsession with google.com, I just love it! You can find so many interesting things there.
The only reason why I've written 2 blogs in one day is because I was so excited about today being January 12. Like I said before, I love this day, I wonder what January 12, 2012 will be like??
hmmm.......
During the day I hungout with my dear friend Brianne.. We met up and literally chilled all day, it was low key but so much fun.
Anyway, Brianne and I go waaaaaayyyy back. We met at the Sno Cone Shack where we used to work (haha good times). She has taught me so much, haha, so much, I am grateful for all the fun memories we have over shared over the years.
Here is the most recent photo of us.. lame it's from like 3 years ago. Actually, I have one from last Halloween, but it's on my other computer.
Then, this evening, my dear friend Kelly (Whom I mentioned in a previous post) and I met up for dinner, and watched "The Social Network". Well, she watched it, I don't think I was paying too much attention, I was talking to my cousin and reading different articles online. Some of you may know, actually only a few people know (until now) my obsession with google.com, I just love it! You can find so many interesting things there.
The only reason why I've written 2 blogs in one day is because I was so excited about today being January 12. Like I said before, I love this day, I wonder what January 12, 2012 will be like??
hmmm.......
January 12
January 12 has always been a good day for me.
It was the day of a date with a boy I loved a long while back.
It was the day I started Cosmetology School, and embarked on a new career path. One that I have always longed for.
It was the day I started at my home away from home. Rio Salon. I met my 2nd family there.
It was a day where I realized that happiness comes from the simple things.
It was a day where I discovered true friendship.
It was a day I have always enjoyed, good things always seemed to happen.
January 12th is just a good day for me. So, let's see if it lives up to it's expectations.
Everyone have an Awesome Day! And remember to SMILE!!
It was the day of a date with a boy I loved a long while back.
It was the day I started Cosmetology School, and embarked on a new career path. One that I have always longed for.
It was the day I started at my home away from home. Rio Salon. I met my 2nd family there.
It was a day where I realized that happiness comes from the simple things.
It was a day where I discovered true friendship.
It was a day I have always enjoyed, good things always seemed to happen.
January 12th is just a good day for me. So, let's see if it lives up to it's expectations.
Everyone have an Awesome Day! And remember to SMILE!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Kia Kaha
"Kia Kaha" - "a Māori phrase used by both the Māori and Pākehā (European) people of New Zealand. It means forever strong and is used as an affirmation. The phrase has significant meaning for both the Māori and Pākehā people of New Zealand. "
This affirmation is what my cousin Jordan shared with me today. It's simple, but powerful.
This past week has been interesting. At the beginning, I was so sick from the chemo, (probably the second worst I have ever felt and it lasted longer). This then instilled all these unnecessary fears. You know the ones, the "what if" fears. I'm really not a fan of those. "What if this happens..", "What if that happens.." Not very productive, I know. I had a moment where I was feeling sorry for myself and was really down, I'm not gonna lie, chemo is hard, it's so hard on your body. It's basically a controlled poison, that is injected through my chest into my veins. Everyday is different, so I never know how I am going to feel. So, like I said before, I had a pity party and everyone who was in ear shot was invited whether they wanted to be or not. :)
I think it's because I haven't really fully accepted the fact that I have cancer. I don't think I even know how to fully accept it. I don't know if anyone really can. I don't even think I have really allowed myself to think about it, like really think about it, and really feel all of the feelings that go along with it. (that was a lengthy sentence.. sorry English Majors) Well, until last week. So, last week was actually necessary for this journey. Before last week, (so a few weeks ago) I remember praying to the Lord, praying to know what I was supposed to learn from this experience, I felt like I was forgetting. I prayed that I would be able to fully understand why this was happening to me, prayed to become more humble during this time and to be able to fully rely on the Lord for everything. Let me tell ya, he answered that one. But, as I look back now, while writing this, I've learned so much, just in the past few days.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend of mine sent me a page request on facebook the other day. It was for the "Lymphoma and Hodgkin's Disease Awareness and Survivors Club". At first, I really didn't look at the page, only because talking, reading, listening, basically any action word that could be used with the topic of Hodgkin's Lymphoma freaks me out. I know I talk about it, but I don't talk about it... Which may or may not be healthy, I don't know. Anyway, the other day I clicked on the page and started reading some of the posts. There are so many people who are dealing with this, it was nice to hear their stories. But there was one in particular that really struck me. (And now looking on the page again, I can't find it...) But, it basically said "as a cancer fighter, you have no right to give up, especially when it gets unbearable, painful, scary, hard, etc"
I thought about that for a while. A long while. And I'm still thinking about it now. I really like that, I like that a HL Survivor wrote it so a HL fighter like me could see it and be reminded. Not that I was going to give up, but sometimes you wanna stop. Not quit, but just take a break from all the medicine, doctors, blood work, etc.
So, Thank you HL Survivor, whom I cannot find on the page, your strength, experience and wisdom have given me that extra boost to face the short, rocky road ahead. And then I will be a HL Survivor like you, and will be able to help those fighters find the strength that they have inside of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a favorite band. Mumford and Sons. They are an English, Folk, Rock Band, who use accordians, guitars, keyboards, and drums. Anyway, they are amazing, I love them. There is one song in particular that is always in my head. It's called "The Cave". There is one line that I love, that I repeat to myself when the going gets tough.
"I'll find strength in pain" . I love that line.
Anyway, if you haven't noticed yet, my mind is on constant topic change. I bounce from one topic to the next and back again within minutes. So, thank you for enduring. :)
This affirmation is what my cousin Jordan shared with me today. It's simple, but powerful.
This past week has been interesting. At the beginning, I was so sick from the chemo, (probably the second worst I have ever felt and it lasted longer). This then instilled all these unnecessary fears. You know the ones, the "what if" fears. I'm really not a fan of those. "What if this happens..", "What if that happens.." Not very productive, I know. I had a moment where I was feeling sorry for myself and was really down, I'm not gonna lie, chemo is hard, it's so hard on your body. It's basically a controlled poison, that is injected through my chest into my veins. Everyday is different, so I never know how I am going to feel. So, like I said before, I had a pity party and everyone who was in ear shot was invited whether they wanted to be or not. :)
I think it's because I haven't really fully accepted the fact that I have cancer. I don't think I even know how to fully accept it. I don't know if anyone really can. I don't even think I have really allowed myself to think about it, like really think about it, and really feel all of the feelings that go along with it. (that was a lengthy sentence.. sorry English Majors) Well, until last week. So, last week was actually necessary for this journey. Before last week, (so a few weeks ago) I remember praying to the Lord, praying to know what I was supposed to learn from this experience, I felt like I was forgetting. I prayed that I would be able to fully understand why this was happening to me, prayed to become more humble during this time and to be able to fully rely on the Lord for everything. Let me tell ya, he answered that one. But, as I look back now, while writing this, I've learned so much, just in the past few days.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend of mine sent me a page request on facebook the other day. It was for the "Lymphoma and Hodgkin's Disease Awareness and Survivors Club". At first, I really didn't look at the page, only because talking, reading, listening, basically any action word that could be used with the topic of Hodgkin's Lymphoma freaks me out. I know I talk about it, but I don't talk about it... Which may or may not be healthy, I don't know. Anyway, the other day I clicked on the page and started reading some of the posts. There are so many people who are dealing with this, it was nice to hear their stories. But there was one in particular that really struck me. (And now looking on the page again, I can't find it...) But, it basically said "as a cancer fighter, you have no right to give up, especially when it gets unbearable, painful, scary, hard, etc"
I thought about that for a while. A long while. And I'm still thinking about it now. I really like that, I like that a HL Survivor wrote it so a HL fighter like me could see it and be reminded. Not that I was going to give up, but sometimes you wanna stop. Not quit, but just take a break from all the medicine, doctors, blood work, etc.
So, Thank you HL Survivor, whom I cannot find on the page, your strength, experience and wisdom have given me that extra boost to face the short, rocky road ahead. And then I will be a HL Survivor like you, and will be able to help those fighters find the strength that they have inside of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a favorite band. Mumford and Sons. They are an English, Folk, Rock Band, who use accordians, guitars, keyboards, and drums. Anyway, they are amazing, I love them. There is one song in particular that is always in my head. It's called "The Cave". There is one line that I love, that I repeat to myself when the going gets tough.
"I'll find strength in pain" . I love that line.
Anyway, if you haven't noticed yet, my mind is on constant topic change. I bounce from one topic to the next and back again within minutes. So, thank you for enduring. :)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Fact of the Day
I love my family. Especially my cousins. Well, I love them all, but cousins are just awesome. Anyway, I get home from work and my phone starts beeping, I have new text message. I pick up my phone and see that Daniel, my amazing cousin, the guy version of me (except a few years older) has sent me a text. I open it, read it.. and realize its one of those facts that has no impact on my life and will be useless in any scenario. But, that is what is so wonderful about 'Random Facts'. However, it did make me laugh. They always do. So, I respond back with something random and witty as usual. Telling him to send me another one.
This is what he said: "Humans smell in 'stereo', when we smell stuff each nostril sends signals to different parts of the brain, so we can tell what direction the smell is coming from " - Daniel (Lauren's Cousin)
the end. I love my cousin!
This is what he said: "Humans smell in 'stereo', when we smell stuff each nostril sends signals to different parts of the brain, so we can tell what direction the smell is coming from " - Daniel (Lauren's Cousin)
the end. I love my cousin!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Hero
I have a hero. She is 5 years old. She lives in here in KC and is fighting a cancer that is far worse than mine. She has done more chemo than I have, and and will probably have to do it a lot longer than I will. My mom told me about her and showed me an article that was written.
I had a moment yesterday, this journey has been hard, but, its necessary and I know it. I was sitting on the stairs with tears in my eyes telling my mom that I wanted more than anything to be done with my treatments, that I wanted to be back living a normal life again, having a normal body again, and all that jazz, that is when she showed me the article, she said she had been waiting for the right time to tell me about it. This brave little girl sometimes feels the same way that I do. But, her mom always tells her "One more is one less" when it comes to each chemo treatment. That is my 5 year old Hero's mantra, and I have decided to embrace that one.
I had a moment yesterday, this journey has been hard, but, its necessary and I know it. I was sitting on the stairs with tears in my eyes telling my mom that I wanted more than anything to be done with my treatments, that I wanted to be back living a normal life again, having a normal body again, and all that jazz, that is when she showed me the article, she said she had been waiting for the right time to tell me about it. This brave little girl sometimes feels the same way that I do. But, her mom always tells her "One more is one less" when it comes to each chemo treatment. That is my 5 year old Hero's mantra, and I have decided to embrace that one.
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